People used to think I was just a shouty comic but I was doing stuff about Sartre.

If I won the lottery I'd start a charity that helped little family hardware stores, cobblers and fruit shops open in city centres.

My name is Alexei Yuri Gagarin Siege of Stalingrad Glorious Five Year Plan Sputnik Tractor Moscow Dynamo Back Four Balowski. Me Dad was a bit of a Communist, know what I mean?

Honestly, sometimes I get really fed up of my subconscious - it's like it's got a mind of its own.

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

Americans have different ways of saying things. They say 'elevator', we say 'lift'... they say 'President', we say 'stupid psychopathic git.

Yuri Gagarin, the first man in space, may have had his charms, but he really couldn't be considered hip.

There's a part of me that still hates everything, and my natural view default setting is still very cynical and dark

I've been going to Granada for many years and 12 years ago bought a house a few miles outside the city.

If sitcoms were easy to write, there'd be a lot of good ones, and there aren't.

Dire Straits is a great band. Someone tells you they like ""Brothers in Arms"" and immediately you know they're a stupid annoying git.

I don't like hello. It makes me sound like I have dementia, like I've never heard a phone ring before and I don't know what's supposed to happen next. Hello?

Vulnerability + Action + Positive Thinking = Courage

Those who hurt, Screw up, if you are lucky Demons will let you watch.

You are beaten to earth? Well well what's that? Come up with a smiling face it's nothing against you to fall down flat but to lie there - that's disgrace.

A 50-year-old company can innovate as well as two guys/gals in a garage.

The sun pours out like wine.

Thank goodness, we can choose our friends. We have to take our relatives as they are, and be thankful.

Physicists are working on the Big Bang, and one day they may or may not solve it.

This telegram is a work of art if I say it is.

If those to whom power is delegated do well, they will be respected; if not, they will be despised.