People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.

I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.

Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

….it was a brave man’s fear. I knew what he meant. What must a brave general feel when he knows the battle has gone against him and nothing remains but death?

Travelling becomes an excellent teacher if the traveller becomes an excellent student!

He who fights and runs away May live to fight another day. But he who is in battle slain Can never rise to fight again.

Unless a tree has borne blossoms in spring, you will vainly look for fruit on it in autumn.

You sleep with people all the time that you hate.

I'm happy, but there is always room for improvement.

No longer forward or behind I look in hope or fear, But grateful, take the good I find, The best of now and here.

It is a sad day when one looks back and sees that his largest regrets have become some of the most integral elements of his dreams.

Science, math and engineering can give you the exhilarating power to become not mere spectators or consumers, but the active explorers, makers and doers who will help invent the future.

When you are drawing characters to serve a plot purpose, you tend to get flat, stereotyped, unliving characters.