People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either being made.

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Never regret anything that made you smile.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

Life is short, Break the Rules. Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably And never regret ANYTHING That makes you smile.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

There's so much destruction all over the world - and all you can do is complain about ME!

It was William who would climb out of his carriage unafraid and help a farmer drive a herd of cattle or sheep across a road when necessary.

Just like the cosmonauts and their pee plants, all we have is each other.

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.

Those who experiment on animals should never be able to quiet their own conscience by telling themselves that these cruelties have a worthy aim.

Humorists are always pessimists. They're reactionaries: because they see that every golden cloud has a black lining.

I have an amazing wife, Tia, and an amazing son, Cree, and I'm a family man first and they keep me grounded. They're my support system, so they make me stronger.

False dichotomies are often at the heart of discord.

In wheelchair sports, people thought athletes with disabilities were courageous and inspirational. They never give them credit for simply being competitive.

Empathizing with someone's 'no' protects us from taking it personally.