Perception is created and twisted so quickly.

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.

The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It's a massive gift to be able to say you're not the most important person to yourself.

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

I have a lot of beliefs... and I live by none of them...

My kids used to love math. Now it makes them cry. Thanks standardized testing and common core!

When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Leave the dude alone and he'll figure it out.

Everything is amazing and nobody is happy

What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you

One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.

Belief is the essential ingredient for success, thus if you believe, you can achieve, for real you will achieve.

I am spending delightful afternoons in my garden, watching everything living around me. As I grow older, I feel everything departing, and I love everything with more passion.

If people think I'm angry, I don't want to burst anybody's bubble. I like sometimes for people to be afraid of me. But it's not really anger; it's discipline.

Success doesn't change you... It reveals you

When you hear designers complaining about the challenge of their profession, you have to say: don't get carried away-it's only dresses.

The three words women most want to hear from a man are, "You lost weight"

Thus we live, forever taking leave.

You do not wake up one morning a bad person. It happens by a thousand tiny surrenders of self-respect to self-interest.

So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey.

But to my mind, though I am native here, And to the manner born, it is a custom, More honored in the breach than the observance.