Pere Noel. Babbo Natale. Pelznickel. Topo Gigio

Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.

I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.

A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.

If you don't decide where you're going, life will decide for you.

Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of "Yeah, we might have to reboot."

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

Real men don't use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer's opinion on how to put this together.

I'm a creative guy, artistically with graphics.

Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we're just the tallest people living here.

Writing is a form of running away. Running away to a place you made by your own hand.

The first step toward power is to accept reality

Literature is analysis after the event.

Rape is not an extraordinary or evil act for an assailant. It is like forcing someone to eat when she is not hungry.

Any great warrior is also a scholar, and a poet, and an artist.

I never thought I'd be 52 years old. I don't think that anybody at 16 thinks like that.

Too many vital education dollars that should be spent in the classroom are bouncing around in the federal bureaucracy.

Your high points and your low points. High points don't last that long, it's a high and it happens. It's great at the moment but you really can't live on it.

No bird has ever uttered note That was not in some first bird's throat; Since Eden's freshness and man's fall No rose has been original.

I didn’t write the rules. Why would I follow them?