Perhaps the way to succeed is to think of life on Earth as a colossal joke, a creation of such immense stupidity that the only way to live is to laugh until you think your heart will break.

I don't get nearly enough credit in life for the things I manage not to say.

The imagination can be dangerous. It can change the world. And that is why we write.

Self-knowledge is essential not only to writing, but to doing almost anything really well. It allows you to work through from a deep place - from the deep, dark corners of your subconscious mind.

Osbert was the only one who didn't seem suspicious. He was so interested in the Decline of Western Civilization that he missed the version of it taking place under his nose.

This was what happiness felt like - this wondrous, miraculous alternative to dread.

While working in advertising, I channelled my creative energy into elaborate escape fantasies: cake making, dog breeding, the Peace Corps.

Things Happen and once they start happening you pretty much just to hold on for dear life and see where they drop you when they stop.

If you haven't been in a war and are wondering how long it takes to get used to losing everything you think you need or love, I can tell you the answer is no time at all.

The soldier had stamped my passport FAMILY in heavy black capital letters and I checked it now for reassurance and because I liked how fierce the word looked

Ask any comedian, tennis player, chef. Timing is everything.

I know all those words, but that sentence makes no sense to me.

Find a strong glue and stick yourself to honesty! You shall feel like a wind, so light and so free!

Art should stimulate.

The teacher will perform miracles. Not just to delight and amuse people, but showing them that miraculous occurrences indicate that there is something more.

Spouses in healthy relationships cherish each other's space and are champions of each other's causes.

Take thy self-denials gaily and cheerfully, and let the sunshine of thy gladness fall on dark things and bright alike, like the sunshine of the Almighty.

The most interesting things that happen in my books are usually the things that arise spontaneously, the things that surprise me.

There will be no song on our lips if there be no anguish in our hearts.

The basic philosophy behind [switch putting] is you always want a hook putt. So for a left-to-right breaking putt, you're going to want to hit it left-handed and vice versa.

Let us kill all lawyers