Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?

Growing old is compulsory - growing up is optional.

Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.

I got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap.

They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.

I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.

My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.

If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.

The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.

What do gardeners do when they retire?

...these sleepless nights, when oddly enough my concentration was high, fueled perhaps by the effort to ignore the all-engrossing threat of bombs and rockets.

Even if we eat the best diet ever (and I highly recommend that we do), we still may not achieve the longevity that is possible.

Equality is of two kinds, numerical and proportional; by the first I mean sameness of equality in number or size; by the second, equality of ratios.

I don't think Reagan is primarily funny, and I don't think he's primarily marvelous; he's complicated.

Love, like fire, cannot subsist without constant impulse; it ceases to live from the moment it ceases to hope or to fear.

The most difficult thing for me is a portrait. You have to try and put your camera between the skin of a person and his shirt.

Prohibition is an attempted cure that makes matters worse - for both the addict and the rest of us.

USE COMMON SENSE. If somebody offers you a thousand dollars for this book, chances are their motives are not pure. Then again, a thousand dollars is a lot of money. Take the money and run.

Failure is not a crime. The crime is not trying.

There's no one out there like Quentin Tarantino. His films have a signature look, and they never just stick to the same kind of story.