Personally, I don’t think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?

Growing old is compulsory - growing up is optional.

Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?

Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.

I got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap.

They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.

I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.

My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.

If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.

The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.

Life’s greatest gift is the freedom it leaves you to step out of it whenever you choose.

There are people who think they can dance out of slavery. “I’m going to do escapist drugs and hop from one party or festival to another. I will dance my out of the harsh realities of Planet Earth

I never go to these showbiz parties. I avoid them with a 10-inch pole.

One must understand what people are thinking, feeling and believing in order to enchant them.

More often than not, a hero’s most epic battle is the one you never see; it’s the battle that goes on within him or herself.

Bleep if I was going to stage a rescue in a freaking pantsuit.

The troubles which have come upon us always seem more serious than those which are only threatening.

If I had been the Virgin Mary, I would have said "No."

A scientist is just a kid who never grew up.

People always thought if no one believed in God and we were nihilists then people would go around murdering each other. That didn't happen at all, we just bought a lot of things with credit.