Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn't want our daughter to marry one.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

The Democratic Party supports criminals and Islamic terrorists but has no sympathy for taxpayers.

Shallow are the souls that have forgotten how to shudder. Leon Cass

I'm very selfish! I'm only thinking about how I would look in clothes, and not how we as a society might appear in those clothes.

Toil is the true knight's pastime.

Tell me what are the prevailing sentiments that occupy the minds of your young peoples, and I will tell you what is to be the character of the next generation.

The weak would never enter the kingdom of love.

I influence anybody who is able to get through the chaos of my first impression.

I used to think that it didn't make any difference how far you ran if you had a good, strong musculoskeletal system and no underlying cardiovascular problems.

She was a girl who knew how to be happy even when she was sad. And that’s important—you know

My first words was thug for life and papa pass the mack