Planning trip around the globe, that is in my room.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

Just because a prediction is true, doesn't mean that it is not false.

May you soar higher and higher, to uphold heavenly blessings.

If you plan to be happy, you will find at least one reason to be happy. Real happiness is never accidental. Discover happiness on your terms.

The dignity of man was everywhere tissue-paper thin.

For me, it's painful to make a movie. It's not my normal rhythm.

I am the least anti-Semitic person that you've ever seen in your entire life.

Every day, set your mind in the right direction. Find something to be grateful for.

The best place to start an adventure is with a quiet, perfect life . . . and someone who realizes that it can’t possibly be enough.

You are responsible for the predictable consequences of your actions.

I did not try to conform to anybody's ideal of what a Latin celebrity or movie star should be. I took a lot of hits for it.