Playing Augusta is like playing a Salvador Dali landscape. I expected a clock to fall out of the trees and hit me in the face.

Watching Phil Mickelson play golf is like watching a drunk chasing a balloon near the edge of a cliff.

I didn't quit drinking because I was a bad drunk. I quit because I was a spectacular drunk. It got to be like a video game, where you get to the highest level and it's not even a challenge any more.

The world's No. 1 tennis player spends 90 percent of his time winning, while the world's No. 1 golfer spends 90 percent of his time losing. Golfers are great losers.

I was swinging like a toilet door on a prawn trawler.

I don't suffer from a mental illness, I live with it.

I have a healthy disrespect for religion. I really do. When Columbus came to this country in 1492 he brought syphilis, diphtheria, tuberculosis, influenza and Christianity. The diseases were curable.

It's hard to tell who's going to win this week, but it probably won't be a big, fat guy.

The course is so long, I had to take the curvature of the Earth into consideration.

Worst haircut I've ever seen in my life. And I've had a few bad ones. It looks like he (John Daly) has a divot over each ear.

If god wanted people to believe in him, why'd he invent logic then?

Whatever we do and are, we are given the means thereof

For the first time in my life, my future was a blank page. It was perfect. And beyond scary.

It's not getting any easier.Life will keep on challenging you as long as you are the strong rival.Once you give up, life will lose interest in you and leave you in peace/ease.

People also leave presence in a place even when they are no longer there.

If you are too busy or too proud to pray with your children, you are too busy and too proud.

I doubt if there is a single really excellent art school now available in New York.

Basically, I’m a musical vocalist, but I do voiceover stuff as a sideline, like plumbing or something.

Humility has such power. Apologies can disarm arguments. Contrition can defuse rage. Olive branches do more good than battle axes ever will.

It is remarkable, in cats, that the outer life they reveal to their masters is one of perpetual boredom.

I think we're in the beginning of a bull market. When a bull market begins, nine months later the economy turns around.