Plays by Alan Ayckbourn have been attracting larger audiences in the regional theatres than those of Shakespeare.

Few women care to be laughed at and men not at all, except for large sums of money.

As a writer one is allowed to have conversations with oneself. What is considered sane in writers is made for the rest of the human race.

The darker the subject, the more light you must try to shed on the matter. And vice versa.

There is a school of thought that believes that sleep is for the night. You appear to be out to disprove them.

A comedy is just a tragedy interrupted, I once said. Do you finish with the kiss or when she opens her eyes to tell him she loves him and sees blonde hairs on his collar?

There are very few people on top of life, and the rest of us don't like them very much.

If you are flattering a woman, it pays to be a little more subtle. You don't have to bother with men, they believe any compliment automatically.

A gentleman ... sleeps at his work. That's what work's for. Why do you think they have the SILENCE notices in the library? So as not to disturb me in my little nook behind the biography shelves.

Cats names are more for human benefit. They give one a certain degree more confidence that the animal belongs to you.

Salad, I can't bear salad. It grows while you're eating it, you know.

I fear those big words which make us so unhappy.

When a painting problem crops up, don't rush to fix it. You probably already know one way to fix it, but wait for something else to show up... invite the muses to bring you a new solution.

As a matter of fact I could beat you two with both my arms and my legs tied. I'll roll down this ramp and score myself a 7-10 idiot split!

Our love is like a song but you won't sing along.

All's fair in love and war.

I was working probably at the age of 10, when I had my first paper route. I had every different kind of job you could possibly imagine as a young kid.

I say stupid white men are always the problem. That's never going to change.

No one will be forced to take the public option. The word option means choice.

'Cause I'll rip the mic, rip the stage, rip the system I was born to rage against 'em