Please give us a simple answer, so that we don't have to think, because if we think, we might find answers that don't fit the way we want the world to be

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

No matter what the good boys tell you, criminality is not a level playing field.

Money can buy some things to create happiness, but it can never buy happiness.

You don’t have to solve it, only evolve it!

I can't assume responsibility for a man's infidelity, no more than I can take credit for his choice to remain faithful.

It is a blind goose that cometh to the fox's sermon.

So here you have Barack Obama going in and spending the money on embryonic stem cell research. Eugenics.

I don't know what I think until I write it down.

On the day, therefore, when I went to the church to be confirmed, with a number of others, I suffered extremely from the reproaches of my conscience.

Since there's no help, come let us kiss and part.

Churchill was a good writer but a bad historian.