Please reduce the expectation in your tone when asking me how my day is going.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

I want him to live if HE wants to live. If he doesn't, then by forcing him to carry on, you, me..... we become just another shitty bunch of people taking away his choices.

For invented gods invariably disappoint those who worship them.

Whatever the world dishes up, we take it on--not on our own terms, but on the world's.

A conclusion is a place where you got tired of thinking.

The hard work is done. The training is done. I'm not gonna say too much.

You should never ask actors about politics.

I don't act to be popular, or see my face on the cover of magazines every time I go out to get coffee. I don't want to think about me all the time, and what I look like.

It's not the writer who determines how good she is anyway. Writers don't determine that. It's readers who determine that.

I have seen with my own eyes how the pope was carried on the shoulders of the princes, with all the pomp, being adored in the streets by the surrounding people.

The hours we pass with happy prospects in view are more pleasing than those crowded with fruition.