Pliny the Elder, who when Rome was burning requested Nero to play You Picked a Fine Time to Leave Me, Lucille. Never got a dinner!

There is only one goal. That's to keep working and keep flossing.

When people ask me if Dean Martin drank, let me put it this way. If Dracula bit Dean in the neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary.

Moses, who said to the children of Israel, Wear your galoshes; I never did this trick before. Never got a dinner!

Donald Trump's mother, who said, Donnie! Stop playing Monopoly and get in that barber's chair! Never got a dinner!

Amelia Earhart, who said, Stop looking for me; see if you can find my luggage! Never got a dinner!

Aladdin, who said to his wife, I know it's not a lamp, keep rubbing! Never got a dinner!

George W. Bush, who said to Pope John Paul II, Give us a visit, and bring the missus. Never got a dinner!

King Solomon, who said to his thousand wives, Who doesn't have a headache tonight? Never got a dinner!

Orville Wright said to his brother, "Wilbur, you were only in the air for 12 seconds. How could my luggage be in Cleveland?"

Jack the Ripper's mother, who said to Jack, How come I never see you with the same girl twice? Never got a dinner!

CUSTOMER: If I were to, say... meet the love of my life in this bookshop, what section do you think they would be standing in?

When a husband stops paying attention to the garden, he's thinking of pulling up roots.

There's a balance. Time and place for everything.

Uh oh, it's beer o'clock, I think I'm sober. How about we think this over, over a can of King Cobra?

A lot of artists have a lot of different ventures, I think it's typical for a hip hop artist, at this point, to have a bunch of different ventures.

It is the heart that is important.

... you want to be proud of how much you can get done with a small numbers of employees.

All began in love, all seeks to return in love. Love is the law, the teacher of wisdom, and the great revealer of mysteries.

Order in a house ought to be like the machinery in opera, whose effect produces great pleasure, but whose ends must be hid.

People live through such pain only once. Pain comes again—but it finds a tougher surface.