Poets arent very usefulBecause they aren't consumeful or produceful.

Some tortures are physical And some are mental, But the one that is both Is dental.

Middle-age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, were it not for making living, which is rather a nouciance.

The door of a bigoted mind opens outwards so that the only result of the pressure of facts upon it is to close it more snugly.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Behold the Zebra on the plains, And shudder at his mighty manes!

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.

When I remember bygone days I think how evening follows morn So many I loved were not yet dead, So many I love were not yet born.

Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

I could read the great books but the great books don't interest me.

Hold the Earth tightly and fondly because you owe your existence to the Earth!

The thing always happens that you really believe in and the belief in a thing makes it happen.

Animals we are, and animals we remain, and the path to our regeneration and happiness, if there be such a path, lies through our animal nature.

All a woman needs is a good bath, clean clothes, and for her hair to be combed. These things she can do herself. I very seldom go to the hairdresser, but when I do, I just marvel.

Immortal mortals, mortal immortals, one living the others death and dying the others life.

We think we should have to work in order to feel. We want to have our cake resist us; and then we want to eat it, too.

A businessman needs three umbrellas - one to leave at the office, one to leave at home, and one to leave on the train.

Achievement happens when we pursue and attain what we want. Success comes when we are in clear pursuit of Why we want it.

Forget about speech problems just saying the words "brain surgery" sucks the air out of a room.