Poisons pain you Rivers are damp Acid stains you And drugs cause cramp. Guns aren't lawful Nooses give Gas smells awful You might as well live.

Of course I talk to myself. I like a good speaker, and I appreciate an intelligent audience.

The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.

The only dependable law of life - everything is always worse than you thought it was going to be.

Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye.

I like to have a martini/Two at the very most/After three I'm under the table/After four I'm under my host.

Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.

If you want to know what God thinks about money, just look at the people He gives it to.

Never throw mud: you can miss the target, but your hands will remain dirty.

Years are only garments, and you either wear them with style all your life, or else you go dowdy to the grave.

The present like a note in music is nothing but as it appertains to what is past and what is to come.

Whenever I do a parody it's not meant to make you hate anybody's music really.

When one is already on the edge of the grave, why not resist?

We have a dangerous tendency to misunderstand, minimize, and even manipulate the gospel in order to accommodate our assumptions and our desires.

Kevin Eastman is like a Buddha, like the coolest thing in the world, like a rock star.

Sci-fi fans are the most loyal fans on the planet - there's no doubt about it. I've done a few of those conventions, and these people will know the lines!

Andrea Leadsom flatly denies she has changed her CV.

More than ever, we as parents and a nation must do something about the growth of obesity in our children. We must do more than just talk, we must be concerned enough to act.

Men appear to prefer ruining one another's fortunes, and cutting each other's throats about a few paltry villages, to extending the grand means of human happiness.

Healthy habits are learned in the same way as unhealthy ones - through practice.