Political audiences are not fun.

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!

When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.

You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

Our progress as a nation can be not swifter than our progress in education.

Mates such as they must stand by one another

Wealth is not about having a lot of money; it's about having a lot of options.

The answer to how to live is to stop thinking about it.

Most new books drop immediately into the oblivion they so richly deserve.

You know, everyone says, 'Modeling and acting are so similar'... they say, 'It's so natural for models to become actresses because they use the camera.' I don't think of it in that way.

Everyone can reach his goal, if he can think, wait and fast.

Yeah,there was a whole chapter on you in my eight grade History of Angels textbook," Miles said. Arriane clapped. "And they told me that book was banned!

I don't get on stage and give a social diatribe. I am a performer and an entertainer.

And out of a desire essentially to imitate what I was reading, I began to write, like a clever monkey.