Political pundits are saying President George W. Bush has made gains in two key states: dazed and confused.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

We spent all those years talking about stuff we had in common, and the last few months noticing all the ways we were different and it broke both of our hearts.

Only something in me understands the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses. Nobody, not even the rain has such small hands.

This is all the inheritance I give to my dear family. The religion of Christ will give them one which will make them rich indeed.

Simply put; I'm trying to see what I can get done with the horse without him being troubled about doing it.

No one will be much or little except in someone else's mind, so be careful of the minds you get into.

As we grow older and mature in each incarnation, we are drawn back to samskaras, to previous interests and pursuits.

I was playing garbage minutes the first two to three weeks. There was definitely a little bit of 'what's going on?' in my prayers.

It's easier to get rich than it is to explain not getting rich.

There are people who pay attention to the weaknesses of their friends; that is to no avail. I have always closely watched and profited from the strengths of my adversaries.

Nobody's ever tried the peace thing, ... We are selling it like soap.