Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.

Just beacause I'm wearing revealing clothes doesn't mean I'm inviting them to look.

When men and women produce a baby together for the first time, it's an absolute festival of mutual incompetence.From The Wife Drought

Mister if you want more to join, ’ She said half-choked ‘you’ll have to put in the coin.

We've got fuel prices coming down and good travel numbers coming out, so it's not surprising airline stocks are going up.

Every single ordinary person has an extraordinary story.

It is on opinion only that government is founded; and this maxim extends to the most despotic and most military governments, as well as to the most free and most popular.

Fertility is hereditary. If your parents didn't have any children, neither will you. I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

For sheer sexiness, a man must be beautiful. Funny. yes. Clever, no.

I don't think you play for other people's expectations, you know. You don't go and become a lawyer because your mother or father want you to, you don't become a coach because somebody wants you to.

Some people are born with the necessary gift, and some work hard to build on the few gifts they have.