Poor Al Gore, global warming completely debunked, via the very Internet you invented.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

Let him who desires peace prepare for war.

I'm a huge camper, and love hiking and mountain biking.

It just gets old when you hear a million raps about how many ways I could shoot you.

You know, there's a big world out there filled with desperate orphans who would gladly swim across an ocean of thumbtacks just to be eclipsed by the long shadow that is cast by my accomplishments.

The spring came suddenly, bursting upon the world as a child bursts into a room, with a laugh and a shout and hands full of flowers.

Nursing is a kind of mania; a fever in the blood; an incurable disease.

If entertainment ran grocery stores, we'd NEVER get oil cured olives or blue cheese, it would be JUST Coke.

I cannot see that art is anything less than a way of making joys perpetual.

Civilized people have exchanged some part of their chances of happiness for a measure of security.

In the U.S the right is very wide. From Neo con's to almost Anarchist