Popcorn is one of the only situations in which you eat the result of an explosion.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

The spirit and the soul sustained by grace.

To err is human

When a sketch comes into this three-dimensional form and everybody contributes, it's really fantastic.

Obscenity is our name for the uneasiness which upsets the physical state associated with self-possession, with the possession of a recognized and stable individuality.

When you're trying to make somebody the best version of themselves, you have to keep defining that over a period of time because sometimes it changes.

The Holy Spirit said I was blessed and was going to touch hearts everywhere.

You might be feeling sick or a little down, but the second you hit the stage and hear the crowd, you're ready to perform. That's what a true performer is.

I think women have a hard time not apologizing their way into negotiations. We tend to back in to these conversations in a self-deprecating and ultimately self-defeating way.

In the past, TSR and now Wizards of the Coast have asked me to do game stats for my characters, and I'm never comfortable doing that. It's all relative after all.

I gather a repulsive nobody writing in a paper no one of any decency would be seen dead with has written something loathesome and inhumane.