Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

Nothing in nature is that even

I am, for the most part, who I am because my good mother was who she was.

Alternatively, anyone who favors Intelligent Design in lieu of evolution might pause to wonder why God devoted so much of His intelligence to designing malarial parasites.

At least it would have been perfect, if it wasn't for my mother.

But it feels good to love a thing and not expect anything back. It feels good to not get an argument or any pushiness or any rumors or any bullshit. It's love without strings. It's ideal.

Consumers still buy products whose advertising promises them value for money, beauty, nutrition, relief from suffering, social status and so on.

Life externalizes at the level of our thought.

The usefulness of the pot lies in its emptiness.

Fate was dealing from the bottom of the deck.

Clocks will go as they are set, but man, irregular man, is never constant, never certain.