Pregnancy is the only time in a woman's life she can help God work a miracle.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Let me give you a tip on a clue to men's characters: the man who damns money has obtained it dishonorably

The boy continued with a desperate note. "You may have saved my life, but it is not my life any longer, it is yours.

The American public believes that health care is a right and not a commodity.

Write. Write until it stops hurting.

Drama is more focused and it reveals itself to you, whereas comedy is just right there, when you first read it.

Carrot Top is a nickname that people call me and I thought that it was more marketable.

Some people would like me to be round again.

When you talk about the Final Fantasy series, the series started selling better after 7, and that was the base idea for the center of the set list for the LA concert.

Clearly in the eyes of the consumer; the brand has not been diluted, but we must guard against that happening at all costs.

Also, while I was at Yale, I had a job teaching kids at the museum.