President Bush announced he has a five-point strategy for getting out of Iraq. Points six through 10 will be handled by the Kerry administration.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Who am I really? Am I still the same person if I'm not even technically a person anymore? Does being stronger make me different? Will it?

A sneeze can never be to far away

Life is filled with endless opportunities.

Don't make me cover your face with a pillow until you see my side of things.""Isn't that called murder?

I feel more Scottish than Norman.

Companies, however unintentionally, choke the motivation out of their employees.

Never say never Never is a long, undependable time, and life is too full of rich possibilities to have restrictions placed upon it.

Though it be a thrilling and marvellous thing to be merely young and gifted in such times, it is doubly so - doubly dynamic - to be young, gifted and black.

It was extremely hard going from being a parent of one to a parent of three, because now all these instant decisions have to be made about how you balance out the time and attention between them.

That old saw about the early bird just proves that the worm should have stayed in bed.