President Bush has urged people to get back to normal and today Congress announced that they are accepting bribes again.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

Some mornings you wake up and think, gee I look handsome today. Other days I think, what am I doing in the movies? I wanna go back to Ireland and drive a forklift.

The more I keep myself occupied and jump from thing to thing, the more I think it enriches both.

Insults are the arguments employed by those who are in the wrong.

It's probably listening to country music that got me to start playing a lot cleaner, not as distorted.

I don't like programming. It's tedious.

I was hitchhiking to Washington to an anti-war demonstration in 1971, and I was in an accident, and that's how I became disabled; that's how I came into disability, in a sense.

I despise this weakness in myself - this endless one-sided conversation that takes the place of action.

I usually just have ideas when I have them.

There is no actual starvation or deaths from starvation but there is widespread mortality from diseases due to malnutrition.