President Bush, have a hot dog with me.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

Inevitably, Saul's faraway heart would turn to faraway actions.

Her voice.That's what drew me to her. It was gorgeous, perfect, angelic.Ironic, that a demon should be drawn to the voice of an angel.

It never got weird enough for me.

Hope meets a dead end when the only chance in sight comes to naught.

A heart full of love and compassion is the main source of inner strength, willpower, happiness, and mental tranquility

You can say, 'Can I use your bathroom?' and nobody cares. But if you ask, 'Can I use the plop-plop machine?' it always breaks the conversation.

What we're not for is negotiating with people with a bomb strapped to their chest.

Sometimes I just want to be left alone and be a normal kid for, like, five minutes. That's tough when the paparazzi are chasing you.

Every moment of life is unique-a kiss, a sunset, a dance, a joke. None will ever recur in quite the same way. Each happens only once in the history of the universe.

I lack the peace of simple things. I am never wholly in place. I find no peace or grace. We sell the world to buy fire, our way lighted by burning men.