President Bush listed his income as $822,000. You know what John Kerry calls someone who earns $822,000? Not even worth dating.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

Such a deep silence surrounds me, that I think I hear moonbeams striking on the windows.

In our day when a pitcher got into trouble in a game instead of taking him out our manager would leave him in and tell him to pitch his way out of trouble.

I read Dad's books like I did before, now things are crystal clear. Lock the door in the bathroom, now I just can't get caught in here.

The words we use don't matter as much as the emotion behind the words. When we understand this, we have the ability to influence, inspire, persuade and affect others.

Deaf rage that hears no leader.

Put all your rage and madness into your work and live as orderly a life as possible.

I've only used my own voice about four times on film.

The only thing that counts is if you know how to prepare your ingredients. Even if with the best and freshest ingredients in the world, if your dish is tasteless or burnt, it's ruined.

Faith that is sure of itself is not faith; faith that is sure of God is the only faith there is.

his get up and go had gone up and went