President Bush said John Kerry is on both sides of every issue. And Kerry replied, 'No, I'm not ... but there is some truth to that.'

A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn't answer the phone.

Strange medical news from Pakistan: A man had a successful organ transplant with a dog. They gave the man a dog's organ. In a related story today, Keith Richards was seen chasing a mailman.

Did you see the statue topple? Bill Clinton got nostalgic seeing something that big in a beret go down.

Democrats were quick to point out that President Bush's budget creates a 1 trillion dollar deficit. The White House quickly responded with 'Hey, look over there, it's Saddam Hussein.'

I enjoyed retirement the right way linguine con vongole, red wine and plenty of truffle cheese.

The prison scandal is really hurting President Bush's poll numbers. In fact, I hear he's already working on his concession smirk.

John Kerry will be the Democratic nominee for president. Democrats finally found someone who is Al Gore without the flash and the sizzle.

The big political news, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he's running for governor of California, and already, people are chanting, 'Four more vowels, four more vowels.

New rumors that Saddam Hussein is planning to flee to a castle in Libya with 10 billion dollars. Now President Bush doesn't know whether to nuke him or give him a tax cut.

President Bush spent last night calling world leaders to support the war with Iraq and it is sad when the most powerful man on earth is yelling, 'I know you're there, pick up, pick up.

Life is a journey

Don't confuse symmetry with balance.

Laws are important precisely because in a democracy they reflect the attitudes and aspirations of those they govern.

tell me what you think it means.

I'm still going on bad dates when by now I should be in a bad marriage.

My dad was a geologist and my mum was a nurse who directed amateur theatrics.

Changes that used to take place in 50 years now happen in a handful of years . . . or even months. And how we deal with that changing technology explains almost everything.

Raquel Welch is someone I can also live without. We've got some love scenes together and I am dreading them!

People are saying that I'm an alcoholic, and that's not true, because I only drink when I work, and I'm a workaholic.

Me I never had the chance to say,Well,I'm going to do something I want to do."I always did if for my family,for my children, for my father,for my mother."