President Bush says in the last month he has created 300,000 new jobs. Yeah, they're called Kerry campaign workers.

A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn't answer the phone.

Strange medical news from Pakistan: A man had a successful organ transplant with a dog. They gave the man a dog's organ. In a related story today, Keith Richards was seen chasing a mailman.

Did you see the statue topple? Bill Clinton got nostalgic seeing something that big in a beret go down.

Democrats were quick to point out that President Bush's budget creates a 1 trillion dollar deficit. The White House quickly responded with 'Hey, look over there, it's Saddam Hussein.'

I enjoyed retirement the right way linguine con vongole, red wine and plenty of truffle cheese.

The prison scandal is really hurting President Bush's poll numbers. In fact, I hear he's already working on his concession smirk.

John Kerry will be the Democratic nominee for president. Democrats finally found someone who is Al Gore without the flash and the sizzle.

The big political news, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he's running for governor of California, and already, people are chanting, 'Four more vowels, four more vowels.

New rumors that Saddam Hussein is planning to flee to a castle in Libya with 10 billion dollars. Now President Bush doesn't know whether to nuke him or give him a tax cut.

President Bush spent last night calling world leaders to support the war with Iraq and it is sad when the most powerful man on earth is yelling, 'I know you're there, pick up, pick up.

If your clients aren't actively telling their friends about you, maybe your work isn't as great as you think it is.

You have so much to learn from your enemies.

She felt as if she were brimming, always producing and hoarding more love inside her. But there was no release.

The successful men of action are not sufficiently self-observant to know exactly on what their success depends.

Creativity is essentially a lonely art. An even lonelier struggle.

India has two million gods, and worships them all. In religion all other countries are paupers; India is the only millionaire.

Few men are born brave. Many become so through training and force of discipline.

Brave, bold people, these are what we want.

The success of our popular government rests wholly upon the correct interpretation of the deliberate, intelligent, dependable popular will of America.

The best cure for racism is to have somebody shoot at you. Man, it does not matter then what color the arse is that comes to save yours-black or white, you're ready to give it a big fat kiss.