President Bush wants to build a space station on the moon. And from the moon, he wants to launch people to Mars. You know what this means. He's been drinking again.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Kind old ladies assure us that cats are often the best judges of character. A cat will always go to a good man, they say[.]

Do what you can and pray for what you cannot yet do.

If you think a certain thought long enough and hard enough, it becomes a fixed belief and you will find yourself behaving on the outside in a manner consistent with it.

When you're a pilot, and you know all the ways to survive an airplane crash and how low the chances are, you feel safer.

Nine out of ten Americans believe that out of ten people, one person will always disagree with the other nine!

For what is done or learned by one class of women becomes, by virtue of their common womanhood, the property of all women.

I am haunted by the demon of error - error in determining guilt and error in determining who among the guilty deserves to die.

I'm in love," he said hoarsely. "With someone else. That's why." Qhuinn (Lover Unleashed)

She's been there for me in a lot of ways, and she really is just the most dependable and loyal and funny as all get out. I mean, she just cracks me up. Constantly.

My passion is acting, and has always been. It's what brought me to this point of being able to diversify and do other things, and I hope it's something I'll continue to have a passion for.