President Bush was in Los Angeles yesterday where he announced his new campaign theme - “Safer, Stronger, and Tested.” Isn't that a condom ad?

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

The early bird gets the first worm, but the wisest bird gets the fattest one.

I didn't want food that looked unapproachable or ridiculously beautiful.

The Obama presidency, and liberalism in general, are based on not trusting the American people - a belief that big government is better for people.

I don't want to throw rice. I want to throw rocks.

Art is really people asking the eternal question, "What is it all about?"

Intelligent people are always on the unpopular side of anything.

I want a red to be sonorous, to sound like a bell. If it doesn't turn out that way, I add more reds and other colors until I get it.

Stay wise and the mind is untouchable.

No matter how many lawyers and lawsuits Obama throws at Arizona, we will have the American people and the Constitution on our side.

Humour in its highest reach mingles with pathos: it voices sorrow for our human lot and reconciliation with it.