President Obama filled out his March Madness bracket. You can tell Obama's mind is elsewhere because his top two picks were Israel and Iran.

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

It is bodies that make us real. What is a soul without eyes to look through or hands to hold?

Strange, to see what delight we married people have to see these poor fools decoyed into our condition, every man and wife gazing and smiling at them.

Isn’t it better just to make your own money, and then spend it how and when you want, and with dignity?

Be free! Get out of your prison of conforming thoughts.

I'm happiest when I feel that several almost opposing sensations are present at the same time.

We have an unknown distance yet to run, an unknown river to explore.

As an actor, you've got to maintain a bit of mystery and at least part of your private life, otherwise the game is up.

Hope is hearing the music of the future. Faith is to dance to it.

His herding instinct is so strong that he confuses tractors on a baseball field for sheep. He was hospitalized twice. Once by a line drive and once for attacking a tractor tread.

Postmodernism is Modernism with Alzheimer's.