President Obama invited John McCain to the White House to give his opinion on Egypt, specifically what it's like to be a mummy.

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

False hope really makes you cynical.

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

It's not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That's predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.

You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally - he's the white Kanye.

The wonder in our life should always point the greater wonder of the Father.

I wanted to wake you straightaway, but I knew I had to wait several hours to ensure you were safely recovered.""What! How long has it been?""Five minutes. I got bored.

It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.

An old philosopher said to Monsieur Coignard, a Reverend Father: 'You are a pig!' To which Abad Coignard answered: 'You flatter me, sir. But unfortunately, I'm only a man.'

I've actually always been into suits. But I never really wore them, I guess because I was too young and it didn't feel right.

Two consorts in heaven are not two, but one angel.

To me, singing is basically a form of prayer. I get this great joy when I'm singing - whatever I'm singing. I missed it when I left it.

You can find the sacred in the most ordinary of things.

We are our own gods and our own demons.

I just don't see how anyone can hate America. I mean, crap, I live there. What more do you need?