Probably all of my advice is bad advice.

Since I was 14. I grew up surfing. That's all I wanted to do.

Just start writing and you'll find what you want to say.

I grew up very Catholic. I wanted to be a priest.

People have said that to me: They say I have a TV face.

New York is a place that can grind you down and spit you out. A true New Yorker doesn't get ground down, he gets polished.

I've had a good run of birthdays, and now no one will notice when I die.

Paint yourself into a corner so that you don't have any other option but to continue forward.

I'm just going to keep doing comedy because I don't know what else to do. I have no other applicable skills.

I put so much energy into with improv. You can only perform it at a place where people are, essentially, taking improv classes so that they just appreciate what's happening.

Improv requires your audience to be informed about what improv is. With stand-up, anybody can sit down and watch stand-up and laugh at jokes.

Thoughts guide you everyday. They become your choices. If you're not happy with your life, change your thoughts. Think more positive.

The most reliable method for acquiring wealth is through giving.

End of a dream is the beginning of a new dream

Looks like macho boy's cool just melted like a Slush Puppie in August.

Parents should leave books lying around marked "forbidden" if they want their children to read.

The people’s good fortune is my misfortune!

To live as true children of God means to love our neighbour and to be close to those who are lonely and in difficulty

The essence of the miracle of forgiveness is that it brings peace to the previously anxious, restless, frustrated, perhaps tormented soul.

All beauty of this world is wet with the dew of tears.

Greatness, thou gaudy torment of out souls, The wise man's fetter, and the rage of fools.