Professional comedians, surprisingly, have a lack of humor. They're insensitive to the insanity of our times.

Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've stolen.

My life needs editing.

People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely.

I've arranged with my executor to be buried in Chicago. Because when I die, I want to still remain active politically.

When Obama ran, he said, We can change the world! The world: can you change it back?!

There's a danger our fiscal bankruptcy might overtake our moral bankruptcy.

A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now.

Remember that no matter how selfish, how cruel, how unfeeling you have been today, every time you take a breath, you make a flower happy.

The fact is that you can't have a good relationship with a girl who hasn't settled things with her father.

One thing about being narrow-minded: you'll never be lonely.

A path full of potholes must be traveled slowly, but there's no reason you can't finish the journey.

As you get older it is harder to have heroes, but it is sort of necessary.

Everything I say comes from my heart - and it's the truth.

In order to ask with real intent or to act with full purpose of heart, we must always make an accompanying commitment.

I am a winner. I just didn't win today.

I think, as everyone knows, Charles Kushner is one of the most successful businessmen in the United States and one of the great philanthropists of this century.

With the crowds on your side, it's easier to play up to your potential.

Tonight we light these candles to honor the value and the work of Jyoti Singh's short, promising life, she was India's daughter. Tonight she's our daughter too.

Delaware State has established itself as an institution of excellence in its own right and attracts a diversity of students from various races, socio-economic status and locations.

I wouldn't say I'm bigger than Jesus. If I had to guess, I'd say probably, yeah, but as far as I know, the bible is never clear on this.