Progress might have been all right once but it's gone on too long.

Some tortures are physical And some are mental, But the one that is both Is dental.

Middle-age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, were it not for making living, which is rather a nouciance.

The door of a bigoted mind opens outwards so that the only result of the pressure of facts upon it is to close it more snugly.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Behold the Zebra on the plains, And shudder at his mighty manes!

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.

When I remember bygone days I think how evening follows morn So many I loved were not yet dead, So many I love were not yet born.

Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

Why are you so restless? what are you looking for? happiness is right there, yes, in front of you.

We all need salespeople who help people with the same enthusiasm shown by a small child describing the best Christmas present EVER

When I hit the skins they all say, 'Damn Kane... You knock out the Bush like a presidential campaign!'

All sensitive people agree that there is a peculiar emotion provoked by works of art.

I have an editor in my head, that's why I can't read Harry Potter, because Rowling is such a lousy writer.

What makes one heroic? - Going out to meet at the same time one's highest suffering and one's highest hope.

It's funny that they've called homosexuality a crime... At this rate, everyone will be a criminal.

I've got a lot to learn, and I'm very blessed to work with such talented actors. I'm nowhere near my goal. It's all about applying yourself and taking time to work and train.

I know an awful lot of Hollywood people, who are so self-important, I can't understand it.

Silence is not an absence of sound but rather a shifting of attention toward sounds that speak to the soul.