Protect yourself from Muslim vampires by making your neck non-halal.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

I have never felt so lonely as on a golf course in the midst of a championship with thousands of people around, especially when things began to go wrong and the crowds started wandering away.

Every evil is some good spelt backwards, and in it the wise know how to read Wisdom.

The unorganized mind will always be restless until its content is reordered.

Siren Servers are narcissists; blind to where value comes from, including the web of global interdependence that is at the core of their own value.

Ask anyone committed to Marxist analysis how many angels on the head of a pin, and you will be asked in return to never mind the angels, tell me who controls the production of pins.

I watch a lot of astronaut movies....Mostly Star Wars. And even Han and Chewie use a checklist.

As far as expectations go, you can never work for expectations. You have to work against them.

If you throw money out of the window throw it out with joy. Don’t say: 'one shouldn't do that' - that is bourgeois.

WikiLeaks, God bless them, will save lives as a result of their actions.

If you want to heal Heal others And smile or weep At this very happy reversal of fate