Providence seems to look after the chumps of this world; and, personally, I'm all for it.

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature.

It is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine.

I always advise people never to give advice.

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.

It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people.

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.

Writers express their thoughts through words

I wouldn't say I was bullied, but I was definitely a bit of an outcast. It was more the kids thinking I thought I was cool. I started homeschooling in fifth grade, and I was much happier.

Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.

No one inspired me to write, but writer Harlan Ellison terrified me into getting published.

An enlightened master is a perpetual source of the cosmic light because his mind is always merged with nirvana.

Besides, the mhis that surrounded the compound could scramble anything from GPS to Santa Claus.

Death of a Salesman' is a brilliant taxonomy of the spiritual atrophy of mid-twentieth-century white America.

I'm not the kind of guy who's taking advantage of my position.

Make living your life with absolute integrity and kindness your first priority.

If you are courageous enough to be still, you are a step closer to becoming empowered.