Pun: A form of wit, to which wise men stoop and fools aspire

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Sky-bound was the mind, Earth-bound the body rests

Desire grows by what it feeds on.

Do you believe in love at first sight?I don't know but it saves an awful lot of time

Being sorry for myself is a luxury I can't afford.

I had to do the book because there was an unauthorised biography which didn't tell it like it was.

Good God, do you mean to say this place is a club?

No matter where we begin, if we pursue knowledge diligently and honestly, our quest will inevitably lead us from the things of the earth to the things of heaven.

Turns out we've been eating the wrong things...since the dawn of civilisation

My mum put me in drama classes when I was about 14. I'd been going on about it for some time, so maybe it was a way to shut me up.

Sometimes I wish I had an easy answer for why I'm depressed.