Put it back in the horse!

On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks.

The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists.

Never buy anything with a handle on it. It means work.

We believe in healthy, hearty laughter -- at the expense of the whole human race, if needs be. Needs be.

There's such a thing as too much point on a pencil.

Cats are people, and the sooner the world accepts that fact, the better off the world will be.

Personally, I never admired communists because they operate on the theory that human beings are nice people.

In the cause of expedience and the quest for information, man has always been willing to trump his laws and betray his beliefs to legitimize the torture of those who do not share them.

The world knows nothing of you. That is my gift to you. You are no one.

Two people can only live as one when each is prepared to give and receive trust and understanding. Above that lies respect. Without respect for how the other feels, no marriage is worthwhile.

Equality before the law is probably forever unattainable. It is a noble ideal, but it can never be realized, for what men value in this world is not rights but privileges.

I grew up poor and used to look at people in big houses and thought they had everything. Then later on I looked at models in magazines and thought they had it all.

Both chaos theory and fractal have had contacts in the past when they are both impossible to develop and in a certain sense not ready to be developed.

The best way to avoid danger is to meet it plump.

May I examine my mind in all actions and as soon as a negative state occurs, since it endangers myself and others, may I firmly face and avert it.

I'm not a tanning bed person at all, but I'll get a spray tan

Whoever devotedly undertakes and performs this most holy journey... shall have the enjoyment of eternal reward from the repayer of all men.

Mr. Keating: Carpe Diem! Sieze the day!

Every day is an opportunity disguised as a challenge.