Question: If there were two of you which one would win?

Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life's cruelest irony.

Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.

You can't fake creativity, competence, or sexual arousal.

Fondue sets, martini shakers and juicing machines: three things the world could live completely without.

If a building looks better under construction than it does when finished, then it's a failure.

Big companies are like marching bands. Even if half the band is playing random notes, it still sounds kind of like music. The concealment of failure is built into them.

Eagles are seagulls with a good hairdo.

We decided that the French could never write user-friendly software because they're so rude.

Is there anything in the world more annoyingly creepy than an unspoken dress code?

When we constantly ask for miracles, we're unraveling the fabric of the world. A world of continuous miracles would not be a world, it would be a cartoon.

The more attention you give to your loved ones, the less affection you recieve from them.

If God can help us locate demands, He can also help us locate the leaks.

Psychobabble attempts to redefine the entire English language just to make a correct statement incorrect. Psychology is the study of why someone would try to do this.

If I am sufficiently brave to extract the cancer of fear, I have effectively gutted my conviction that what stands before me is impossible.

I save every Christmas card. I keep them all.

The difference between a mountain and a molehill is your perspective.

I know people are tired of me not saying anything, but a guy doesn't have to answer to innuendos.

If you don't know what to do with many of the papers piled on your desk, stick a dozen colleagues initials on them and pass them along. When in doubt, route.

I'd like to keep exploring comedy. I didn't necessarily think of myself as a comedic actress, but it's a lot of fun.

What's wrong with hip-hop is the system that controls the definition of it. There needs to be more balance on the airwaves.