Quick: noise made by a dyslexic duck

Analysing comedy is like dissecting a frog. Nobody laughs and the frog dies.

Why does it take two days for a polaroid of John Major to appear?

They say that adultery is the main thing that can damage a marriage, but it's not. It's boredom.

I’m 59 and people call me middle aged. How many 118 year old men do you know?

The cheaper the crook, the gaudier the patter.

I love and respect women. I work mostly with women.

The tongue should not be suffered to outrun the mind.

I think that writers are, at best, outsiders to the society they inhabit. They have a kind of detachment, or try to have.

I've been around in public life for a long time. I think people know what I stand for. They know that I have strong convictions, committed principles and I'm prepared to stand up for them.

Adversity is an opportunity for heroism.

Follow your heart and make it your decision.

I gained an inner peace, the serenity of a prisoner, so to speak.

I believe in benevolent dictatorship provided I am the dictator.

It's weird that remixes have been associated so much with dance music. I think it's just kind of box-standard to put a beat behind it saying it's a remix.