Quit while you're a head, that's what I say.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

Honor women! They strew celestial roses on the pathway of our terrestrial life.

The deferring of anger is the best antidote to anger.

I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' no babies!

If you are an ugly woman, you have no chance of getting a TV job.

It takes courage to set priorities because doing so is an admission that American policy cannot be all things to all people - or rather to all interest groups

Even in Heaven, the most perfect City in the World, there are going to be different levels, different classes, different stages, some very high, some very low.

The fountains of sacred rivers flow upwards (i.e., everything is turned topsy turvy).

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer.

Here is what we have to offer you in its most elaborate form -- confusion guided by a clear sense of purpose.

This civilization is such that one has only to be patient and it will be self-destroyed.