Quotologists encounter happy surprises, bright books by faded authors, treasures hidden under dust.

Like pollen on a honeybee, flattery clings to the things you tell yourself.

Quotations calcify into clichés.

Cunning authors cut to be quoted.

Flatter yourself critically.

Quotology disdains no quotations whatsoever, a duty it bears stoutly, with bloodshot eyes and sagging shelves.

At its best, flattery is truth well dressed, and it is best dressed with fine see-through fabrics. Honest flattery can caress a lover, cover up a gaffe, and muffle aggression.

Misquotation is quotology’s swamp. Amateur quoters mix and mangle Shakespeare and Scripture. Professors gaffe and printers bungle. It’s a mess we must wade into.

[D]ifferent people have different quotational gravity.

Flattery works like a drug.

If you flatter yourself properly you will be better able to enjoy yourself. Stretch your joy so that others enjoy you too.

A genius doesn't adjust his treatment of a theme to a tyrant's taste

I eat my feelings - when I'm happy, when I'm sad.

Whan that Aprill with his shoures soote The droghte of March hath perced to the roote.

It is the bold man who every time does best, at home or abroad.

You drive the car, you don't carry it.

I'm not a foodie; I'm an eatie. I don't have anything against foodies. I just don't have the time or the interest to do that much research.

I felt like the universe was tapping me on the shoulder saying, "You're the guy who has to tell this story because nobody else is."

It is not a government's obligation to provide services, but to see that they are provided.

You managed not to get eaten then?

How can women be as thin as we are? We have personal trainers to work us out. We have specially prepared meals.