REPENTANCE, n. The faithful attendant and follower of Punishment. It is usually manifest in a degree of reformation that is not inconsistent with continuity of sin.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Life is more fun if you play games.

We are rarely proud when we are alone.

I am too weary to listen, too angry to hear.

Christianity stamped its character on jurisprudence; for empire has ever a connection with the priesthood.

I think America has more than enough maturity and intelligence to start exercising its world leadership responsibly.

If you're hurting, don't be afraid to seek the help you need! Speak to someone - it may just change your life.

Your soul is the whole world.

Just making a good movie is hard to do.

In the name of God, impure souls of the living dead shall be banished into eternal damnation. Amen.

I can call spirits from the vasty deep.