ROSTRUM, n. In Latin, the beak of a bird or the prow of a ship. In America, a place from which a candidate for office energetically expounds the wisdom, virtue and power of the rabble.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Jesus Christ is my joy.

Integrity, by its definition, means adhering consistently to a strong, reliable code of ethics, whatever that code is.

Curiosity is my natural state and has led me headlong into every worthwhile experience (never mind the others) I have ever had.

I didn't have a very religious family.

There are many stressed single parents who may be working two jobs in order to keep the family together.

Monologue is the most honest way to represent human beings.

It's a tough world out there, and women can't afford to be weenies.

Where doubt there truth is - 'tis her shadow.

Love is nothing but the fear of mortal man at the thought of solitude.

People say, 'I love 'Snatch,' I love 'Lock Stock,'' but I want to be more than a movie name. I'd love to be more of a household name.