RUSSIAN, n. A person with a Caucasian body and a Mongolian soul. A Tartar Emetic.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

We are the authors of the stories our soul unfolds.

A lot of times people look at the negative side of what they feel they can't do. I always look on the positive side of what I can do.

Whenever I'm on tour and I'm in my hotel room and I'm writing and playing my guitar, I go in the bathroom and I record whatever I'm writing in there. It's just what I love to do.

I always think, when there's stuff that people don't like, I always say that if I have another success, I'll enjoy it more, but you don't really.

In taking soup, it is necessary to avoid lifting too much in the spoon, or filling the mouth so full as almost to stop the breath.

Money doesn't spend in hell.... The devil deals in a different coin.

If the desire to kill and the opportunity to kill came always together, who would escape hanging?

Man is the only creature who has a nasty mind.

Never believe a promise from a man or woman who has no discipline. They have broken a thousand promises to themselves, and they break their promise for you.

Nulle cre ature humaine ne peut commander a' l'amour. No human being can give orders to love.