Radio... that wonderful invention by which I can reach millions of people... who fortunately can't reach me.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Hope means hang on.

All holidays can be good times.

Investigating rare diseases gives researchers more clues about how the healthy immune system functions.

I could never rap, personally. I can't even wrap presents.

The guilt of newborns is immense.

We are lagging far behind comparable countries in overcoming the disadvantages Indigenous people face.

The wounded limb shrinks from the slightest touch; and a slight shadow alarms the nervous. [Lat., Membra reformidant mollem quoque saucia tactum: Vanaque sollicitis incutit umbra metum.]

The point is not to direct someone, but to direct oneself.

I respect my limitations, but I don't use them as an excuse.

You want to surround yourself with people who are as dedicated to their discipline as you are to yours and let them do what they do.