Ratings for the XFL are so low that pretty soon they'll be able to address the viewers by name.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

If you want to know what a truly healthy relationship is, it’s one where both people wake up every morning and say, “I choose to be with this person.

For the space of half a year, the gunpowder lay as harmless as sand, because no fire came near to explode it.

If being brave were easy, more people would be.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

Most Americans would agree that Plowshares is a Theatre of the Absurd.

I'm trying to simplify my life, I guess that's my latest project.

And about in the late '80s, I got kind of burned out a little bit.

It is pretty hard to find the right result to a controversial issue.

Leave the Artillerymen alone, they are an obstinate lot.

It takes a strong character for a person to say, 'I can't do it.